@CourtRundell: My parents waited way too long to tell me about Santa and the Easter Bunny. I was so mad I got in my car & drove away.
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@david8hughes: [wife drops me at the airport] Wife: have a safe flight Me: I have no say in the matter Wife [already driving off]: die then
@DopeyTweeter: Me: Your baby looks funny. Her: That's my dog. M: Yeah.. uh huh. H: ... M: I'd tell everyone it was my dog too if my baby looked like that.
@stephenjmolloy: Me: "I think my computer has become self-aware." Ian: "What makes you say that?" Me: "Well, for a start, it's named itself Ian."
@SumbodyShootMe: My daughter said she was in a memoir. I was intrigued until I realized what she said was meme war. Whatever tickles your fancy, Love.