@CourtRundell: My parents waited way too long to tell me about Santa and the Easter Bunny. I was so mad I got in my car & drove away.
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@Angibangie: Once I ‘get’ a man, how do I keep him, you ask? It’s simple you idiot. I add cheese to everything. He makes lasagna; I add cheese. He wants to have a pass; I throw straight cheese. He wants to discuss fundamental physics; I buy string cheese...
@PaulyPeligroso: I stash my weed in the middle of a bunch of Russian nesting dolls so when the cops are searching for it they give up like after 5 dolls.
@ibid78: Momma bird: welcome to the world! Baby bird: thx! M: for the next few months instead of food, I'ma just throw up in your mouth. B: wait what