@NJFreudian: I think twitter is the Malaysian plane of the internet. No one on here has been seen by their family in weeks.
@T_Bonezzz_: My girlfriend said she wants me to make her feel like shes the only girl in the world.
So I'm gonna drop her off in the desert and leave.
@TheToxicWaster: My wife said she wants a divorce for valentines day. I wasn't planning to spend that much..
@PhilJamesson: Husband Bear: Honey! I'm home!
Wife Bear: For God's sake, would you at LEAST say hello before demanding dinner?
@truegritrumble: WIFE:The pinata is in the tree out back
ME:Huh? I sent the kids to the one in front
W:What one in front?
*angry bees are just everywhere*
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