@Heartblakekid15: My parents would hide fruit roll ups on top of the refrigerator where I couldn't reach them. And leave chemicals under the sink.
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@NJFreudian: I think twitter is the Malaysian plane of the internet. No one on here has been seen by their family in weeks.
@T_Bonezzz_: My girlfriend said she wants me to make her feel like shes the only girl in the world. So I'm gonna drop her off in the desert and leave.
@TheToxicWaster: My wife said she wants a divorce for valentines day. I wasn't planning to spend that much..
@PhilJamesson: Husband Bear: Honey! I'm home! Wife Bear: For God's sake, would you at LEAST say hello before demanding dinner?