@Heartblakekid15: My parents would hide fruit roll ups on top of the refrigerator where I couldn't reach them. And leave chemicals under the sink.
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@MJMcKean: Restaurant chain commercials should run the disclaimer "Actual food might not tumble and splash in slow motion".
@Smethanie: The Macarena began playing through the dental office speakers as I lied helpless with the hygienist's hands in my mouth today. #survivor
@UNTRESOR: Health level: my credit card company called me about fraud because I bought a vegetable.
@amitjain1002: Twitter account is my serious account. The funny one is my bank account.
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