@KKAlThani: My personal trainer told me to listen to my body at the gym so I punched him in the face and went to get some ice cream.
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@sarah1mc: When I get murdered the neighbors will be on the news like, "Wow, I can't believe it took so long."
@jus4golf: You're Twitter famous. Cool, cool. I won a dodgeball tournament in 3rd grade and I got a real trophy for that.
@Mr_Kapowski: *aliens land on Thanksgiving* *me showing them around* "We have a specific bone we break from the carcass to make a wish" Aliens: Savages