@KKAlThani: My personal trainer told me to stop eating pizzas but if I'm craving it I should just eat one slice. So now I ask them not to cut the pizza.
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@iwearaonesie: *wife walks in* *sees cheese balls everywhere* *shakes head* "what? 8 won't get better at catching food in his mouth if we don't practice"
@QwertyJones3: "That Will Smith is a nice young man, I hope he wins Celebrity Apprentice." No Grandma, that's Ben Carson and this is the Republican Debate
@plumbur: If you start a conversation with "you're gonna say I'm crazy" there's nothing I can do but to congratulate you on your clairvoyance.
@Pundamentalism: "I'd like a bowl of soup please." "Any sides?" "I hope so, or it'll go EVERYWHERE."