@KKAlThani: My personal trainer told me to stop eating pizzas but if I'm craving it I should just eat one slice. So now I ask them not to cut the pizza.
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@ThisOneSayz: Me: I've had this for 3 weeks & I'm still single! HomeDepot Clerk: ma'am, a stud finder is for the beams in your wall Me: that was unclear
@GinAndJif: If it’s dark enough in the club, you can get away with using Monopoly money for a surprising amount of time before being thrown out.
@iGreenMonk: I hate Walmart. The men's bathroom doesn't have any urninals! Just a bunch of women screaming telling me to get out
@Book_Krazy: *A guide to 1st dates* Thanks for coming over. Let me give you the tour. This is my bedroom. The top drawer is yours. Where are you going?