@modernquixote: My pet rock likes to dent people's heads. I don't blame him
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@TheWadest: Nobody was healthier than my vegan, gluten-free friend Chad until the day that baby squirrel beat him to death.
@MavenofHonor: [during lull in conversation] maybe people who say the earth is flat are thinking of maps
@brennadine: Cinderella taught me that everything will work out just fine so long as you have unconscionably small feet.