@geowizzacist: My pet toddler is scratching at the door again.
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@iDontWannaBeYhu: Money doesn't buy happiness? Well it buys a jet ski. Have you ever seen a sad person on a jet ski? It's impossible to be sad on a jet ski.
@Mr_Kapowski: Cop: There was no else going anywhere nearly as fast as you! Me: I know. I was winning.
@theevilwriter: HR says that we are no longer able to say to anyone "if ignorance is bliss you must be such a happy person" even if we smile as we say it.