@5hael: My phone autocorrected my name to shark and now I hate my parents for not calling me shark
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@matt___nelson: JUDGE: I hereby sentence you t- PENGUIN COURT REPORTER: *angrily smashing keyboard with flippers* CAN YOU GUYS SLOW DOWN A BIT
@CoopSoSarc: I was feeling great about myself when I saw my number on the womens bathroom wall 'for a good time'. Then I recognized my hand writing.
@PinkCamoTO: If you think Lord of the Flies couldn't happen, you've clearly never seen a group of 7 year olds go after a piñata.
@Naked_Wombat: I'm not necessarily saying that I am or am not a super hero, but I do occasionally stand with my hands on my hips.