@lovemydogduck: My Phone autocorrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer" and I sent it anyways
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@TFLN: (513): They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
@OldUncleDaveO: Pretty sure I just heard a grown man wrestle a bear in a bathroom stall at Chipotle.
@SortaBad: Why I don't get dates: Her: It's been light-years since I've had this much fun Me: Actually, a light-year is a unit of distance, not time