@StaceyShortcake: My phone autocorrects 'sex' into 'pez' in case you were wondering just how dead my pez life is.
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@Jake_Vig: Dear President of Mexico, DO NOT fall for Trump's old trick where he mumbles "guypayingtobuildthewallsayswhat?" and you say "What?"
@kwirkyKerri: Nothing says you married into the wrong damn family like your mother in-law crashing your honeymoon.
@FatherWithTwins: Me: What do you want for breakfast? 4yo: Bagel Me: *makes it 4yo: Tricked you! I wanted toast Me: Nice trick. Now, eat your bagel