@rockingtheshow: My phone battery dies faster than a black guy in a horror movie.
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@TheKegKiller: Scientists recently discovered T-Rex hunted in packs, confirming once again that we should all send that asteroid a thank you card.
@baycontaco: Smartphones don't prevent people from feeling alive and getting in touch with nature. I just walked into a tree.
@Samzen_: Judge: You shot him. How do you plead? Me: Bleed? NO. He was the one bleeding Judge: HAHA Me: HAHA *High five? Judge: Ten years with no bail