@RowdyBerger: My phone can hold 5000 songs or 1 voicemail from my mom
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@GoodZiIIa: [gets down on one knee] her: omg [gets down on two knees] her: ok... [gets down on third knee] her: wtf
@jctwritesstuff: Me: So anyway, I don't know why people think LSD is so weird. Three-legged, bright pink Griffin: I know, right? Me: I like your top hat.
@EndhooS: *Wife blows me a kiss from across the room* *I pretend to catch it* *I walk over to the window and toss it outside* "Grow up Karen"
@davidsirota: Things I learned from media: Sanders has won a bunch of states but must drop out Rubio shows he's a contender by losing nearly everywhere