@jamespianka: My phone dies, freeing me from my prison. I look up at the world. Deer live in my house.
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@InternetHippo: [seeing a picture of myself] Revolting. Burn it [hearing a recording of my voice] Awful. Grating [seeing my tweets] Genius. A blessing to this world
@Be___Dope: :office birthday party: CW: Would you like to sign the card? Me: Nah, just here for the cake. Karen will understand. CW: His name is Joe.
@Dawn_M_: I won't undo a retweet in case someone finds it offensive. I just knit them onto pillows and give them as Christmas gifts.