@shesananteater: My phone just changed, 'calendar' to 'cake radar' and now I really wish I had that.
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@SteveSuckington: DAUGHTER: why did you name me Paris? ME: You were conceived on our honeymoon in Paris SON: OMG!! ME: (to son) what's wrong 97FordF150?
@UncleDuke1969: Cardinal: Ordinations are down Pope: Maybe a recruiting poster? C: Slogan? P: "We separate the men from the boys!" C: Um... Any other ideas?
@Death_Buddy: FOUND: 17 AGGRESSIVE DISEASED RATS LIVING IN LOCAL DUMPSTER. PLEASE CONTACT IF YOUR 17 AGGRESSIVE DISEASED PET RATS ARE MISSING.
@Adar79Angie: When I bend down to feed the cat she leaps onto my back.When I try to stand back up it's the saddest tiny rodeo you've ever seen.