@dumbbeezie: My phone only recognizes my fingerprint if it has cheese on it
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@Book_Krazy: Boss: Did you take Mike's stapler and leave a note demanding that he meet you for drinks later? Me: WHAT!?! Noooo....wait, did he say yes?
@junejuly12: Her: I'm having a dry party. Me: Sorry, I'm busy. Her: You don't even know when. Me: You don't even know me.