@Cherry_Row: "My phone's about to die." -Me, 30 seconds into every phone call.
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@lynyrdsbackyard: Mistakenly punched premium at the gas pump today and now I have to sell one of my kids to the circus.
@Parkerlawyer: Text to Hubs: If it's not too much trouble can you get me a bottle of wine and a fuzzy blanket? Hubs: You're literally sitting next to me.
@stephenjmolloy: Commissioner Gordon: It says here that bats sleep upside down and wee over themselves. Batman: We also poop. CG: We? B: They. I mean they