@Cherry_Row: "My phone's about to die." -Me, 30 seconds into every phone call.
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@slaughthie: I asked when my gym membership was up and the dude said "day before Valentine's Day" like I'm some genius who knows when Valentine's Day is.
@catstronomical: Me: I'll take one insurance Insurance salesman: It doesn't work like that Me: *shoving $12 in his breast pocket* your best one, please
@proEXgirlfriend: People need to quit hating on women that breastfeed in public. I'm allowed to raise my cat however I want.