@GuyThe_Guy: My pistol only holds 9 bullets, so when I lose my shit I only get to kill 9 people or one cat.
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@ddsmidt: Most women need a little reassurance. Like when she says "oh, you want to see crazy?" Reassure her that you do not.
@ThaJawn: Coworker *parks Prius Coworker 2 *locks bike up Me *bounces by on jumping exercise ball made of recycled tires* POSERS!
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: Our daughter lied to me. Me: What did I tell you about telling the truth? 5-year-old: It's only for people who don't have lawyers.