@kevnasto: My pizza store delivers weed as well. Lol just kidding. He doesn't sell pizza.
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@bourgeoisalien: [robber breaks into my house] i always knew you'd come for me, my darling. where are you going
@protolalia: He paid me $150 for the "girlfriend experience," so I went through his phone then locked myself in the bathroom, sobbing inconsolably.
@nuttywhippet: There's a job in the paper for a park litter attendant. Experience is not necessary, you just pick it up as you go along.