@BooFricketyHoo: My plan to disappoint everyone I've ever known is exceeding my expectations.
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@Jmboyd58: 2nd month dating: A thousand lifetimes with you would not be enough. 2nd month of marriage: OMG you are the loudest cereal chewer on earth!
@ScobeyWanKenobi: The best part about being thirty is that I'm finally old enough to play a high schooler in movies.
@TwatWaffler69: If my "check engine" light would check my wallet, it would know there's nothing I can do about it.
@StephenBCramer: My sister is holding her baby in one hand and a cup of Starbucks in the other, I'm going to toss her phone at her to see who gets dropped.