@schumoo: My plans for world domination will have to be put on hold while I try to open this package of batteries.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@SEvans_author: When I die, I want to be buried with a few random animal bones so archeologists 1,000 yrs from now will wonder what the hell I was
@Breadery: Her: What do you like about me? Me: Your crippling self esteem issues have caused you to lower your standards. Her: What? Me: Your eyes
@shaztaberry: I am going to the Antique Roadshow. Gonna slap my tampon on the table and ask them what period it's from.
@prufrockluvsong: [returning toothpaste] Yeahhh, this didn't hold my husband's teeth together at all.