@Muath_tu: My plans must be so fat they never work out.
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@cynicanoldicus: On the off chance I'm captured by cannibals, I've got a 'Best if eaten by 1975' tattoo on my neck.
@weenbeans: *rubs temples* security guard: Hey you! Stop touching the historic buildings at this ancient religious site!!
@Douchekevin: I saw 300 lbs crammed into a pair of small yoga pants so now I understand how the Tardis on Dr. Who is real.