@Muath_tu: My plans must be so fat they never work out.
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@pleatedjeans: *gets down on 1 knee* OMG *puts 2nd knee down* WHAT? *lays on floor* JIM? *snake noises* WHAT ARE YOU DOING? *slithers out of relationship*
@SaraMansford: Steven King, Dean Koontz and Anne Rice have all announced their retirement stating: Nothing we write will ever be scarier than this election
@CheryeDavis: Saw a guy walking down the street talking to himself, hand gestures and all...So I did the right thing, stopped and told him about Twitter.
@Be___Dope: Cashier: You're the first person to not buy flowers or chocolates today. Me: * looks down at burrito and donuts * It's still love though.