@mojo_bones_: My pot never calls the kettle 'black' because I don't buy talking marijuana
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@TheTweetOfGod: When the devil buys your soul he makes you sign a contract because even though he is pure evil he has an unshakable respect for tort law.
@SCbchbum: Lady next to me in 50 Shades pulled out her glasses & asked if she missed the good part. I said no, the credits weren’t rolling yet.
@mylifesuckers: Husband: Let's talk about it when we're not tired and cranky. Me: So, in like 18 years?