@WalkingOutside: My preschooler talks a lot of trash when we play Chutes and Ladders for someone who needs help counting his spaces.
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@TheSnideOne: What I say: "Does anyone need anything from the store?" What I mean: "I'm off to smoke a bowl in my car so I can deal with all of you."
@MichaelTrying: I bought one follower just to see what it was like and he showed up at my job and his name is Eddie and he’s kind of freaking me out guys.
@david8hughes: [phone rings] Mum: your grandad isn't well. I'm afraid he's on his deathbed Me: well tell him to get in a different bed then
@Tmoney68: All my scars & bruises tell a story. The story of a guy who falls down A LOT when he's drunk.