@One_FineMess: My pup has now chewed up 4 welcome mats and I'm beginning to think she's more antisocial than I am.
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@shegotagronk: Every time my gf stays over we reenact the last scene from Titanic. She hogs 99% of the bed while I'm in the floor hanging on for dear life.
@Maxine12333: The only way I'd get within six feet of some people is if I'm standing on their grave.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: 'Here Comes Honey Boo Boo' is the reason I always donate money to Planned Parenthood.
@JohnLemongrab: "open up, this is the police!" "well, I've felt alone since my girlfriend left me, I'm sad all the time-" "no the door open up the door"