@CanadianMclovin: My real mom put me up for adoption because the cat was allergic to me :(
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@HiddleDeeDee: "There is a policeman in here and he will ARREST YOU." And other inspirational things I say to my kids when we're in public.
@dreadnaught69: *at a restaurant* Don't be awkward, don't be awkward Waitress: how's the food? Me: yes
@sbellelauren: thank god 50 shades of grey got the R rating they wanted because what kid under 18 wouldn't want to watch 50 shades of grey with a parent
@lecalabara: Why do people ask "What were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain.