@Elifcello: My resolution this year was to learn Spanish, and that only lasted about dos weekos.
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@VodkaDietSoda: The second I sense someone about to ask for a bite of what I'm eating, I immediately shove the whole damn thing in my mouth & look baffled.
@Home_Halfway: KIDNAPPER: Get in the trunk ME: You're abducting me 4 days before Christmas? K: Heh yep ME: Omg thank you K: What ME: I'm all yours K: Wait
@Sean_Burgundy_: There's nothing worse than when you tell someone it's a long story and they reply with "I have time."
@JimmerThatisAll: If I offended anyone in the last 24 hours sorry but I forgot my medication and I ran out or premium beer and my son's dating a scientologist