@sfreeze6: My resume is just an old VHS tape of the "Life Goes On" episode where Corky lip syncs "Fight the Power" for his school's talent show.
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@Scdavis24: Guys, if you have to point your toes to put your pants on, those aren't your pants. Give them back to your sister.
@kamtweeting: Give me a few strong men, and I'll build a nation. Give me a few hot women, and I'll conquer the world.
@UncleDuke1969: A rusted van sits under a bridge. Rats gnaw on moldy Scooby Snacks. Shaggy takes a hit off the pipe. "WHY COULDN'T YOU LOVE ME VELMA?"
@CornOnTheGoblin: [my funeral] sister: did you know about this? mom: [watching my pallbearers dressed like the ninja turtles carry my casket] it's what he wanted