@joeldanger: My resume is really just a list of shit I hope I never have to do again.
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@Death_Buddy: When you swallow a spider in your sleep, eat some dead flies the morning after to ensure the spider gives you a positive Trip Advisor rating
@Ndeshi_M: Colleague: Quick, the boss is on her way! Me: That’s weird I swear that I didn’t hear her broomstick!
@Sal0630: Sorry I started singing Bohemian Rhapsody at the accountability meeting, but you said "easy come, easy go" so I just ran with it..