@joeldanger: My resume is really just a list of shit I hope I never have to do again.
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@daemonic3: [starbucks] One tall iced latte please "Ok, can I have a name?" Well ok but it really should come from your parents
@moose_chocolate: If familiarity breeds contempt and absence makes the heart grow fonder, then by definition marriage is a terrible idea.
@Shot_Of_Cabo: Prominently display feminine hygiene products in your living space to let him know your eggs are still viable.