@notfaizzy: My right eye has been twitching for over a week! Know what that means, someone's been thinking of me so much they're giving me a stroke!
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@dafloydsta: How to annoy your children: Me: Don't come in here without knocking Child: Ok *leaves* *knocks* M: Who is it? C: It's me! M: Go away
@Donna_McCoy: Wish I had the unbridled enthusiasm of a freshly groomed dog heading straight for a mud puddle.
@dlsims01: A woman always gets the last word in an argument, because anything a man says after that is the first words in a new argument.