@TheBlessMess: My roadside emergency kit is a black wig, a disco ball and a bottle of vodka. Might as well have fun while I wait to be murdered.
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@MelvinofYork: Me: Liar, liar, pants on fire! Nose as long as a telephone wire! Daughter: A telephone WHAT? Me: Wire. Daughter: That doesn’t make sense.
@david8hughes: "Have u seen my cat?" "I saw a cat down the road?" "Really? [shows me a picture] was it this cat?" "No, the one I saw was dead."