@TheBlessMess: My roadside emergency kit is a black wig, a disco ball and a bottle of vodka. Might as well have fun while I wait to be murdered.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@GibJimson: If you ever see me cleaning out my car in the middle of winter, it's because I have drugs missing.
@mrjohndarby: [inventor of the snooze button] ok, these alarm clocks are pretty good, let's add something to make them useless
@SocialustGal13: Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween. Guess they don't like random people coming up to their door.
@Douchekevin: My gf told me to take my phone and stick it where the sun don't shine. So I sent it to Seattle. Women make no sense some days.