@MariyaAlexander: My roommate made me a copy of the mail key as if she's ever seen me pay a bill
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@pizza_dragon: Give a dad a fish and save him a trip to Costco. Teach a dad to fish and you can throw wild parties while he's away on fishing weekends.
@soccerskiingmom: If any Americans still feel like emigrating to Canada, can you please bring up some Thanksgiving leftovers?
@TheFaldor: Why do Swedish warships have bar codes on the sides? So that when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.
@pharmasean: DAD: I invented a diaper that's also a time machine! MOM: Where do the poops go DAD: dunno! [CUT TO: A BUNKER IN GERMANY, 1942] HITLER: omfg