@IamEveryDayPpl: My scariest campfire story is about the time I held a flashlight under my chin to tell one and everybody started counting my whiskers...
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@lecalabara: Home Alone 6: Homeland Security - Everyone in Washington D.C. has gone on vacation and left Kevin in charge!
@trojansauce: [after raking leaves into a pile on my lawn] ME: ah, perfect. these leaves are all tidy and there is nothing that can change this
@whereami18: A woman just asked me to "unpark her car" and now I'm searching urban dictionary to see what I really just agreed to do
@: Cashier: you’re 8 cents short Me: it’s only 8 cents can you just let it slide Cashier: no Me: *slides cashier 20 dollars* what about now