@IamEveryDayPpl: My scariest campfire story is about the time I held a flashlight under my chin to tell one and everybody started counting my whiskers...
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@david8hughes: [wife crosses out another baby name off the list] What? What's wrong with Carlos Danger Grenades?
@thatUPSdude: [1st date] Would it be odd if someone brought their cat on a date? Her: Very, what's in the box? Nothing, waiter cancel that can of tuna
@UncleDuke1969: Government Shutdown: Day Two Mars rover Curiosity sits with nothing to do. Watches all 5 seasons of "The Wire". Totally gets the hype now.
@moneybreton: Top Fears 1.Walking on manholes 2.Driving, hit a deer, windshield breaks, deer caught and frantically bucks me to death 3.Christopher Walken