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@sirrruh: My secret ingredient is letting somebody else cook.
@mrtruthandsoul: I've decided to take some time off Twitter so I can focus on work and, ok, I'm back
@NoChillPosts: LMAO SO TRUE
@abbycohenwl: "Where do people already feel awkward & uncomfortable?"
"K let's make 'em like that"
-- funeral home designers
@ohpeetie: Cop: "Can you describe the person who robbed you?"
Me: "He had on a black shirt and hat with a green apron and charged me $6 for coffee"
@adamjest: My pet rock is grounded for throwing itself at my ex's car window