@sirrruh: My secret ingredient is letting somebody else cook.
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@djdarrellripley: Her: You have a cigarette machine in your kitchen? Me: Well it would look ridiculous in the living room...
@lbcoen: Send prayers & good wishes for the guy who tried to pick my pocket on the luas, took out a tampon, got mortified & tried to put it back.
@longwall26: I scream. You scream. We all scream. We're being chased by bears. Life is a nightmare.
@flashember: [DOG COP TV DRAMA] DOG SHERIFF: Drop the gun, Scruffy. Be a good boy! SCRUFFY: I know a little secret *lifts gun* All dogs go to Heaven.