@sirrruh: My secret ingredient is letting somebody else cook.
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@caseytduncan: The worst part about getting kidnapped would be when the news told everyone your real height and weight.
@Xoolun: My wife nominated me to do the ice bucket challenge. I'm a little confused. Has anyone else been asked to hold a toaster at the same time?
@ruinedpicnic: Humans pretend to be smart but we still look at the ceiling when we hear a noise upstairs like we're suddenly gonna have x-ray vision
@dysalexia: You guys I found this new great birth control called pregnant women posting pictures on Facebook.