@Cryptoterra: My sense of humor has been described as "please stop" and "you're ruining dinner"
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@JackieluvsUK: Gonna start feeding my dog condoms, so when she poops they're already in tiny little bags!
@pizzajaynow: You can learn a lot about your kids by helping them with their homework for example, mine are idiots.
@AaronFullerton: "Honey, remember our first date?" "Awh, are you planning something for Valentine's?" "No, I forgot my password. It's the security question."
@djdarrellripley: Me: Has anyone ever told you, you have the softest brown eyes? Her: No. Besides, my eyes are blue. Me: No wonder nobody's ever told you...