@Cheeseboy22: My sensitive toothpaste can't stop crying.
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@Dawn_M_: He said I reminded him of the girl from The Ring. We laughed and laughed, and then I put an axe in his back and ate his soul.
@FinnMcIver: everyone's always saying 'the good ones die young', 'god only takes the best'. so I must be immortal
@Thing_Finder: TRUE STORY: My wife and I cleaned the house last weekend and found that we both have children from previous marriages.