@sixfootcandy: My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: Jews name their children after their deceased loved ones. This is my son, Healthy Sleep Pattern. He was born on January 21st, 2017.
@GoldenSpirals: A truck just flipped a dead squirrel onto my windshield and it's stuck in my wiper. I guess I don't have to stop to get supper tonight.