@totalwackjob: My sex life has improved so much I'm thinking of asking someone else to join me...
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@ericsshadow: [traffic stop] COP: where ya headed? ME: on my way home COP: *shining flashlight in my backseat* ME: look at me when I'm speaking to you
@junejuly12: As there aren't any female leprechauns, where do leprechauns come from ~ something to ponder every St Patrick's Day
@heatherlou_: Having one bathroom in your house teaches you that it is possible to hate a person because of a bathroom.