@samalmightysam: My sex life is like Coca-Cola; first it was normal, then light and now zero.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Cait_Plus_Eight: Your ex asking if you can still be friends is like kidnappers saying "keep in touch" after they let you go.
@Matt_the_1st: 911,What's your emergency? Me: I think it's a heart attack 911: Can you call back when you're sure, we're watching Walking Dead
@FrenulumBreve: Executioner: final words? Executionee:Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Er: you done? Ee: didn't buy me as much time as I thought actually.
@arielleBigBlue: When a guy wearing shorts and sandals to a bar is picking out songs on the jukebox, it's going to end badly for everyone.