@HelmdawgE: My signature move is asking a co-worker wearing a suit on dress down Fridays, "how did the job interview go?" in front of everyone.
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@Adar79Angie: I'm Italian, but I'm not "save a princess from a weird dinosaur looking guy, with my brother Luigi" Italian.
@Brampersandon_: WIFE: what's the name of that girl you work with? ME: which girl? WIFE: the pretty one ME: I feel like this is a trap
@itshotterhere: Apparently, if you jump out of a plane wearing parachute pants, it doesn't break your fall at all. But you can carry about a hundred combs.
@tchrquotes: What do you mean will I eat a whole rotisserie chicken? What do I look like, a guy who doesn't eat whole rotisserie chickens?