@IamEnidColeslaw: my signature move is called "the Mouse," where I run around the dance floor wearing nothing but a tampon
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@_correctomundo: Nephew: What's love? Me: Well, all the women text you except the one you like. And it hurts, so we drink. Sister: Get away from him!
@louisvirtel: The worst scene in La La Land is when Emma Stone gives Ryan Gosling permission to save jazz because she already solved racism in The Help.
@VodkaThursday: What I learned from watching Star Trek: Nothing. I've never watched Star Trek. I am popular with friends. We don't do that.