@bengulate: My signature move is falling in love with a beautiful girl, then giving her really good advice on how to date someone else.
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@dafloydsta: 1. OMG will this ever end? 2. OMG will this ever end? 3. OMG will this ever end? -top 3 things on my mind when I'm in a a conversation
@PYWL: I just saw a video of a snake that learned to open doors. I probably don't need to sleep anymore anyway.
@robdelaney: A hand grenade to a daycare? RT @McDonalds: #ShamrockShake is to spring as _____ is to _______.
@pleatedjeans: cop: why'd you kill him? me: I was trying to count something and he kept shouting random numbers cop: ugh hate that you're free to go