@bengulate: My signature move is falling in love with a beautiful girl, then giving her really good advice on how to date someone else.
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@Awk0Tacoo: Cat: Human, congratulations, I've chosen your face to sleep upon tonight. If at some point you cannot breathe, do not wake me.
@GrumpyBahr: Apparently not checking the mail is not a valid excuse for not paying your bills. The more you know.
@Classy_Cassy89: My closet should be on Hoarders. Fell in looking for second shoe. 45 minutes later I had to cut my left arm off with a plastic hanger.