@Moldy_Jellybean: My signature move is getting drunk before anyone can ask me to be the designated driver.
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@AndyAsAdjective: people said my days of misquoting famous idioms were over but I'm like a phoenix rising from molasses
@simoncholland: Accidentally played dad instead of dead when I encountered a bear and now it can ride a bike without training wheels.
@motrboatr: Sure I'll send you a shirtless selfie. Just let me work out for 6 months real quick.
@Glitta_J: If im walking around with my arms crossed, there's a 90% chance im not mad...Im just probably not wearing a bra