@Moldy_Jellybean: My signature move is getting drunk before anyone can ask me to be the designated driver.
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@GreenishDuck: You're on your deathbed. You gather the strength to utter your last words "Boxers with pockets," you say. "You'll never have to wear pants."
@TequilaTears: How much is appropriate to tip the police officer who opens the squad car door for you?
@crunkdumpster: Give a man a fish and he'll be like, "Dude I'm allergic to fish." TEACH a man to fish and he'll be like, "THTOP I THAID IM ALLERGIC TO FITH"
@3sunzzz: I experienced a potato famine once; it was the longest night of my life. Narrator: Ursula ran out of vodka.