@Vodkantots: My signature move is illegal in 37 states.
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@novicefather: My wife said her new addiction is goji berries but I'd prefer she get addicted to something cheaper like cocaine.
@MissNaughty1801: Boss:I need you to do something for me... Me:what? Boss:go on the jobcentre website and look for another job
@bourgeoisalien: when I hit 45 I'm going to start sleeping in a coffin. let's be honest, my lifestyle choices have been questionable