@Vodkantots: My signature move is illegal in 37 states.
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@caliluvgirl77: Boyfriend: you want to go see the new Star Wars? Me: I LOVE STAR WARS BF: which was your fav Me: duh, Sorcerer's Stone
@MariyaAlexander: Wearing my lesbian boots today. Well, they're faux lesbian. I don't believe in using lesbians for leather, even if they're farm-raised.
@ItsAndyRyan: "Two messages, Sir. First, your tea has run out" "Correct English is 'you've run out of tea'. What else?" "You've walked out of wife"