@mrjohntofu: My signature move is parking closely to the sports car at the end of the lot taking up four spaces.
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@einsteinsexual: Stereotypes are just like regular types, except every time someone almost kills me, while I'm driving, it's an Asian person.
@TheRolo: [Text convo] Her: Can I come over right now? Me: [Puts entire mess in closet, puts high thread count sheets on bed & sprays Febreeze] Sure.
@mattytalks: Girl are you a University of Phoenix degree because I'm pursuing you online and from my couch