@BeardSpice: My signature move is signing a piece of paper.
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@ForeverHairy: When people say they work like a dog, I look at mine and think they must mean they just lay around all day and poop wherever they feel like.
@VaguelyFunnyDan: When my toddlers ask where mommy is, I explain that she's gone to heaven. That way they're super-excited when she gets back from the gym.
@ch000ch: i was doing yard work today when i stopped to tell a pile of leaves how cold fusion works. needless to say they were blown away.
@leechee420: You can be anyone you want on twitter, so I'm a little surprised so many guys chose "creepy weird dude."