@Diversion50: My signature move is texting "There in 5" while I'm 80 miles away and embroiled in a Kung Fu Dance battle with an uncouth cattle farmer.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@SortaBad: You say tomato. I say tomato. Our eyes meet. We've decided on the perfect name for our baby
@jwoodham: INTERVIEWER: What's your greatest strength? M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN: [Removes mask to reveal that he was actually the interviewer the whole time]
@PerfectPending: Spoiler alert: The fairytale ends with the prince at work, 3 whiney kids, and you are cinderella AND the wicked witch.
@BruceForce: Rick Astley: Do you have any Pixar movies I can borrow? Me: You can have Cars, Toy Story & Ratatouille, but I'm never gonna give you UP.