@iwearaonesie: my signature move is yelling "where in the fridge?!" and "i don't see it!" until my mom comes and finds the applesauce for me
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@That_Damn_Duck: Some of you should not be allowed to procreate and if you have to google what procreate means, then I’m talking about you in particular.
@AmishPornStar1: "Awwww, that is so sweet! I think you're outstanding too!" me, to the collection agency
@sageboggs: "Is that the guy who doesn't know how to use the word poignant?" Yea shhh he's coming over here THE GUY: hey guys! long time no poignant
@TheBoydP: If you don’t believe in evolution how do you explain such striking similarities between the doughnut and the bagel?