@Amburglar_: My sister borrowed my favorite shirt without asking again, so I changed her Facebook profile picture to a positive Clearblue pregnancy test.
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@Mikel_Jollett: Instagram: My life is a party. Snapchat: My life is a quirky tv show Facebook: My life turned out great! Twitter: We're all going to die.
@seamussaid: I realize not everyone is cool with Easter egg hunts, but they are vital. They help manage the egg population and keep it at healthy levels
@MartinPilgrim1: My top 3 assumptions when doorbell rings: 1. Murderer 2. Police telling me everyone is dead 3. That book I ordered about positive thinking
@IGotsSmarts: Everybody wants to change the world, but no one can find a diaper that's big enough.