@lmegordon: My sister bought glitter for the children, so now I'm trying to add her name to a terrorist watchlist.
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@LurkAtHomeMom: Practice for parenthood by approaching a pack of rabid wolves and saying “Time to brush teeth! Who wants to go first?” Do that twice a day.
@lloydrang: Me: You a good personal trainer? Him: You bet your emotionally distant dad I am. Me: [through tears] Wow, that's personal. You're hired.
@ruinedpicnic: parent: why did you do this to my child willy wonka: well you see they tried to eat some chocolate on a tour of a chocolate factory they won
@stevevsninjas: [camera store] Luke: I'd like to buy a tripod. Yoda: There are only do-pods and do-not-pods.