@TraylorParker: My Sister is naming her baby Nevaeh because it's Heaven spelled backwards. I said, just name her what she's going to end up being. Tulsa.
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@beefman138: I will never refer to 'drunk me' or 'sober me' because that implies the second one exists.
@007Rex_Inc: *Running late *Light turns green but car in front wont go *About to honk when reads bumper sticker: honk if you love disco *Is late for work
@StarWarsProblms: Leia: This is romantic Han: I know Chewie: Rwwar Leia: Does he have to be here? Han: It's a life debt. You're basically marrying us both
@TheHyyyype: [my future self comes back in time] HIM: here's every sports score for the next 20 years ME: great, thanks for ruining the games for me