@KarenKilgariff: My sister teaches 1st grade. A boy in her class had a tantrum and screamed "I hate you!" and she gently replied "I know. It doesn't matter."
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@Rockenden: To the first designer to make skirts so tight that a slit had to be added to the back: Good job. Flip flop guy: Go stand in the corner.
@bradgage: ISIS frequently takes credit for random attacks even when they had nothing to do with them, making ISIS basically the Fat Jew of terrorism
@ericsshadow: [first date] I'm really nervous about this. It's been a long time since I've [holds fork up and squints] used silverware.